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Don’t give in to your fears. If you do, you won’t be able to talk to your heart.
A client joked recently, “Tonya, I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I signed up to work with you.”Yes, I challenge my clients to do incredible, scary things, because . . . As cliché as it is, the saying is true: “Your best life is not found in your comfort zone.” Life usually unfolds in those what I call, “OMG, what have I done” moments. I have had a lot of these moments in my life, but there’s one that stands out in particular. I sat in an office in Monaco surrounded by French-speaking businessmen.
There I was — the only woman and English speaking. The extent of my French at the time was bonjour and merci.
All I could think was, “What have I gotten myself into?”
This had been my predominant thought since I boarded the plane two days earlier feeling like Ellie Mae heading to Beverly Hills.
Weeks prior, I had been asked to join a luxury network think tank. You know, where people sit around in Armani suits and commiserate on why yachts are this year’s big spend or the downfall of the diamond industry.
Before my mind could jump in and say, “Girl, you grew up in trailers and know absolutely nothing about luxury,” my fierce 90-year old self raised her hand and said (in a French accent, mind you), “But of course she’ll do it.”
During that meeting and the days leading up to it, to say that I was uncomfortable would be a huge understatement. I was on the verge of an emotional and physical breakdown. My mind had convinced me that I was going to make an idiot of myself, that I didn’t deserve to be there, that I didn’t know a thing about luxury.
Had I listened to that voice, I’d probably not be writing this to you.
But, I allowed myself to be extremely uncomfortable, and then . . .
It passed.
In fact, an hour after the meeting, I was eating lunch and sipping Champagne overlooking the French Riviera from the Hotel du Paris, thinking that maybe I was destined for bigger things. And, of course, my 90-year old self whispered, “Told ya, darling!”
All that drama and uncertainty was gone, and I was swimming in the sea of luxury (quite literally).
That experience — along with scuba diving in caves at night, traveling alone to Europe, starting a company, stepping onto a stage to speak — has taught me something extremely valuable:
If you’re not willing to be uncomfortable, you’re not willing to fully live. (tweet it)
Most of my work with clients is around supporting them in feeling a feeling without letting it control their life.
And, it’s hard work.
It may feel impossible to say no to the fourth bite of dessert, until you put the fork down and feel extremely proud of yourself.
You may feel that you will pass out from anxiety during your first public speaking gig until you’re walking off the stage and getting high-fives from the audience.
You may feel that receiving harsh criticism will destroy you until it happens a few times, and you realize that it usually has nothing to do with you, and shrug it off with an “Oh well, can’t please everybody.”
If you want to truly grow, you must (I repeat) must be willing to be uncomfortable.
It’s in that place that you will thrive and your soul will take you places that you never dreamed possible.
The feelings will pass and before you will lie all of your creations because you were willing to be a tad (or a lot) uncomfortable.
But, the best part?
Who you become in the process.
So, tell me, what is that one scary thing you’ll do this week? And, how will you deal with the discomfort? Plan for it. It will most likely be there. And, it’s actually a good thing – a sign of beautiful growth and confidence.
Put on your heels (or cute flats) and saunter right towards it!
Cheering You On (In the Discomfort),
Tonya
Self-Image Makeover
Live Your Life With Style, Flare, and Elegance
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Ciao, Tonya bella!
What is more uncomfortable than preparing for my first big flight across the ocean, straight to US, when you hate airports and plans?
You wrote that you took your first flight when you were 25 to Paris. Arghh! So you can understand me. Please, share your tips for going on board in an elegant way ça va sans dire) you
Forgive me, I have sent the email before editing it...I would like to continue:you are my most powerful source of inspiration for my MAMMA MIA cosa ho fatto (italian for OMG, what I have done) moments!
Baci a tutte
Sorry I meant straight to the US and planes instead of plans.
Hi Celeste,
Thank you m'dear! And, how exciting (and scary).
As for what to do, it's quite simple actually: notice and feel the feelings. Don't try to pretend that they don't exist or that something's wrong with you. Also, notice the thoughts driving them. Just notice.
Often, we don't have to change anything; just with awareness, they pass so much more quickly!
Also, it helps me to think about how I'd rather feel, and then tell a better feeling story (that I can believe) to shift my state.
Bon Voyage Mon Amie!
T
Grazie, chérie! So kind of you. May you have a fantastic soiree!
Baci,
C
Ok, I have been on the fence about submitting an application for a life-changing 6 month program that will cost me 5 figures to participate in. Ack! It's done.
Well, that was quick!
Amazing things happen when you just decide.
Congrats Steph!
I got myself into wearing my Tieks to Paris this fall!
YES YOU DID! And, I cannot wait! Our 90-year old selves will be proud.
I cannot tell you how much I relate to this post...
I am an MA student in art history. Last week I was offered a "dream job" of being the curator of a certain antique art museum. This offer came from no-where. I didn't apply for it or send them my CV.
When they contacted me last week, I immediately said "YES", not every day your dream job knocks on your door... After I hung up the phone with them I panicked. What did you do? Who do you think you are? You are not good enough, you don't have enough knowledge or experience - all these thoughts ran through my mind.
Now, a week later, I am still a bit overwhelmed with everything. My family and friends helped me get through and overcome these what-did-I-do feelings, and this post is an amazing encouragement, knowing I'm going in the right path.
Thank you Tonya, I cannot tell you how much this post (like all your other posts) mean to me.
How Exciting Ruth!
It's funny...we tell the Universe (God, Higher Power, whatever you call that awesome force) what we want, and then when it's delivered, we start telling it why we're not ready!
You are SO ready! That's why it's been delivered. Give your mind a little treat to calm it down and saunter towards this amazing opportunity.
And, keep me posted!