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A lady walked up to me in the grocery store last week as I was searching for my favorite peanut butter. She has been following my blog for a couple of years. I was surprised and honored by her reaction. “Oh, my God! Are you Tonya Leigh,” she squealed. “Yes,” I replied, a bit taken back. (Remember, I’m just trying to find some peanut butter.)
She then said something that breaks my heart when another woman says it to me. There are people out there who feed off of this tragic statement disguised as a compliment, but it saddens me.
“I want your life.”
I quickly stopped my peanut butter search, grabbed her hands and looked her in the eyes and said with love, “Please, don’t ever wish for someone else’s life.”
Yet, I’ve certainly done it. Most people have. Who wouldn’t want Beyonce’s life? Or, would you?
Without calling names, there’s a celebrity that I admired. For years, I secretly wished for her life.
Then, I met her. Over a glass of wine, we talked for two hours.
“My life is not what people think it is,” she admitted. She confided in me how she was full of insecurity and how she struggled with her body image. What I thought would be a conversation with me asking her questions about her life became one of her asking me for advice.
Oh, the irony.
Here’s what we all need to understand:
Everyone is showing the highlights of their lives, myself included.
I don’t post pics of my laundry room piled with clothes. I don’t write about how my daughter just screamed at me because I won’t permit her to go to a party. I don’t Periscope me crying because my hormones are raging (although Periscope is about as real as it gets, which is why I enjoy it so much).
I post things to inspire and add beauty to your day because that’s what the School of Self-image is all about.
I also share my challenges, but only when I’m on the other side and have something useful to share.
What I do and don’t share is a very conscious choice. Would Oprah post about her and Stedman’s heated argument? I don’t think so. But, she probably would share what she’s learned about communicating more effectively.
If you’ve ever wished for anyone’s life, there’s a few things you should consider:
1. We’re all human. There are days we don’t like ourselves (even with the best mindset tools). We have bad hair days (unless you’re bald, and then you may be wishing you had hair). Our children sometimes hate us (even though they really don’t). And the most elegant of us still fart.
2. Wanting another person’s life is treating your own as not good enough. It’s like all those years I wished to have Giselle’s body. Every time I wished for a supermodel’s body, I was denying the beauty of my own. How I treated my body reflected this sad belief.
3. Iconic women create their own lives. They don’t waste their energy hoping for someone else’s but determine who they desire to BE and go out there and be her. They know what they value and desire. Each day’s choices are made accordingly.
With all this said, I do believe you can be inspired by another person’s life. Diane Von Furstenberg is a woman I deeply admire. Her tenacity, elegance, grace, and style is something I strive to embody in my own life.
However, I don’t want her life. I’m enjoying this crazy, beautiful mess of my own.
I deeply hope I inspire you to French Kiss your life — to live with more elegance, style and joie de vivre.
But, I’m begging you . . .
One of the best client testimonials I ever received was this,
“I signed up to work with Tonya because I wanted to be like her. But, with her support, she helped me realize that what I truly desired was to be more of me.”
That’s what I’m here to do.
So, instead of wanting someone else’s life…..
Share in the comments below who inspires you.
Self-Image Makeover
Live Your Life With Style, Flare, and Elegance
Did you grab the FKL Manifesto?
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I actually don't want anyone's life but mine! I have had ups and downs, but love the life I have created, although at times it has been challenging and there are things I still want to perfect! However, the women who inspire me are my two adult daughters who are strong, self-confident, and have a great sense of who they are, before 30! How did they get so smart so young when it took me so long?! Thanks for keeping it real!
Suzi, they did it because they have a strong mama! Thanks for stopping by.
Ever since I discovered how beautiful this life can be by slowing down and understanding that this moment is truly what we have, I have been much happier in my own glorious mess! Thank you Tonya for helping me discover that through the programs you have developed both in Modern Day Icon and Slim Chic and Savvy. Lots of Love!!
You are SO welcome. I have adored supporting you. And, YES, what a glorious, beautiful mess this life is! xoxo
Thank you so much for this post, Tonya. I sometimes forget that even the most elegant and beautiful and confident women have to do laundry, and restock the peanut butter, and take time to deal with parenting issues. These things are all part of a beautiful life and our more "glamorous" endeavors are woven into the mix of a daily routine. Thank you for keeping it real - but not too real (LOL!)
Haha...you are SO welcome. At the end of the day, it's all about your attitude. The more I embrace all of it, the better life gets! Have a beautiful day!
I said those same words to someone two months ago! Her words to me were, "a few years ago, I wanted my life too." We laughed but later she shared that she created her lifestyle and it wasn't perfect either. She was working through similar anxieties too! What I learned was that this woman was just like me, but just on the other side of a life lesson or two. After that, instead of envious, I was deeply inspired by the possibilities of what my life could be if I just did the work. So glad I met her.
That's beautiful Connie! I don't know of a single human being that doesn't have worries, fears and those down days. It's how you handle it that makes the difference. I'm glad you met her too, because I bet she's looking at you and thinking you are just as fabulous! xoxo
This is why we all love you . . . Thanks for keeping it "real" but fun and interesting at the same time. You are one wise chick!
Oh Athena! I love y'all too! And, real is the most beautiful part. Muah!
I am living my life my way, since becoming an adult I always have. As a child, adolescent, we try to conform, but once I was in my first year of college I knew who I was and in what I believed. What I have had to accept with this is that I am few on close friends as I tend to keep to myself. This used to bother me. (This is due both to serious OCD, and a desire for much reflection.) I am okay with this lack of many close friends now. I used to feel the pressure to be more social. It just isn't me on a regular basis. I need solitude to recharge. I tend to live more liberally than most I come in contact with so I search out those that send that socially liberal vibe. Those that are free spirited, hippy chicks with a love of music, art, and family are to whom I gravitate. Time to plan the next house concert with my favorite band, which is to actually be on the beach across the street!
And, THIS is what I love about you MJ ;). Curious...who's your fav band? Keep being YOU! xoxo
Cowboy Mouth is my favorite as they have an uplifting, crazy show about acceptance and being alive in the moment and getting rid of the bull that's bringing you down. The lead singer with his drum kit up front has everyone jumping, singing and living NOW. He is a lovable maniac and a dear friend, as are the other members. So then, I am very much biased. 🙂
Wow! There are times when I have certainly wanted your life and have certainly thought the same about other women I admire. The fact that we are showing the "highlight reel" and "even the most elegant women fart" (tee-hee!) really made me shift perspective. It is hard to be happy when I have an unrealistic viewpoint of what life is for everyone. Thank you for sharing this!