Prefer to listen? Click below.
205. That was the number that appeared when I looked down at the scale. Between being a new mom, working as a full-time critical care nurse and juggling the responsibilities of a home, my body was a walking testimony to the state of affairs of my life.
When a surgeon in the Intensive Care Unit nicknamed me “The Blimp,” that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I came to grips that I had neglected myself and something had to change.
And I was clear on exactly what it was: change my weight.
*Then* everything would be fabulous.
The day I slid into a size 2, it was pure ecstasy.
For about one day. I like to describe it as what cocaine addicts have said they experience when they take a hit of the drug — momentary and fleeting. Yes, I had managed to starve and purge my way to a smaller size. But, as the addict knows, the rush is quickly replaced with fear and a void.
What is wrong with me?
I knew that I was a smart gal. Heck, I was able to run a code blue and save someone else’s life. But I felt incapable of resuscitating myself back to wholeness.Where was that perfect life I’d convinced myself would be waiting for me at the “weight loss finish line”?
The way I had gone about losing weight was painful. And now that I was my “dream” size, I was scared that the weight would come back on. And, so it did.
I tried every diet known to man. Worked out like Jane Fonda back in the 80s. I even took pills that put my body in a 24-7 state of flight or fight, while I was completely ignoring the fact that I had a heart condition and possibly could keel over as a result.
I learned the hard way that the only difference between a size 2 and 20 is the amount of material of your clothing and flesh on your body. Emotionally, everything else is basically the same.
I knew that I needed something different.
Perhaps I needed a teacher. Someone to help me uncover what was really going on.
But, I never guessed my teacher to be across the Atlantic in a country that ate bread and cheese while washing it down with wine.
Her name was Paris.
Over the course of my first week in Paris, I came to understand what I really needed.
And it was not another diet or fitness plan.
I needed something deeper.
These lessons have not only helped me create lasting weight loss but have also positively impacted every aspect of my life .
Are you ready?
Lesson #1 — TRUE PLEASURE
Most of us have true pleasure confused with the faux type.
True pleasure is not stuffing yourself until you’re sick or eating Cheetohs out of the value size bag while watching an episode of Game of Thrones.
We may try to justify those actions with a passive thought of
“It’s been a long day, and I deserve it.”
Really? That’s what you deserve? Cheap processed foods while numbing out with the TV? Not hardly, my friend! You deserve so much more.
In Paris, I savored pot de crème, nibbled on beautiful cheeses and sipped Bordeaux in just the right amount.
I spent time reading beautiful novels and stopping into a flower shop to purchase an irresistible bouquet of peonies. I slept eight restful hours each day.
And, I took the time to look my best each day before doing it again.
That was what I deserved.
In Paris, I discovered how much a woman needs to incorporate true pleasure into her life. I also learned that true pleasure doesn’t always feel good, and it certainly isn’t always easy, especially when you’re breaking old habits, but waking up the next day feeling good about yourself and excited about your day is the big payoff.
Which leads me to the next lesson.
Lesson #2 — DISCIPLINE
Most people loathe this word. I certainly did.
Discipline was synonymous with deprivation. And one thing a person who’s suffered from bulimia fears is going without. So, I justified my lack of discipline with the good ole’ “I’m so free spirited I don’t live by rules” excuse.
But, I wasn’t free.
Not only did my inner turmoil and weight reflect this, but my bank account and relationships showed that my inner toddler was wreaking havoc on my life.
Paris taught me that true pleasure requires discipline.
One delicious chocolate? Divine!
The moment you abuse or neglect something, don’t fool yourself. Regardless of how good it tastes, it’s no longer pleasurable. You’re back in the pain zone.
Living with a lack of discipline is like putting a toddler in charge of your life. You feel out of control and constantly doubt yourself. And, freedom is the last thing you experience.
But, with discipline…everything changes.
Paris taught me that the ultimate discipline is managing yourself emotionally.
When you become a disciplined woman, you live your life based on your desires, not your fleeting moods. By listening to and understanding your feelings and not following their every command, you constantly take actions towards your true desires. And, that makes you unstoppable – in your home life, weight, business, relationships and money.
But there is an important lesson that needs to be paired with discipline….
Lesson #3 — SELF RESPECT
A few years ago, I asked a Parisian friend of mine over lunch, pointing to her mille feuille.
“Are you going to eat the whole thing?”
“Non! I have too much self-respect to do that,” she said.
This was the biggest lesson I learned while sauntering from arrondisement to arrondisement.
At the core of my weight issues was my loss of self respect.
I thought that weight loss would provide this to me, but that wasn’t the case. When you basically beat yourself into a smaller size, self-respect is not the reward. I respected myself less because of the methods I used to starve myself.
To create anything you desire requires self-respect ahead of time — to believe in yourself and to see yourself worthy enough to show up for what you say you want.
In Paris, I saw self respect in action.
Women don’t use their children or stressful job as an excuse to let themselves go. They don’t walk the streets while eating a sandwich, sipping a latte and running a meeting on the phone. And, they certainly don’t over or under indulge in their meals.
They respect themselves enough to care for themselves, enjoy their lives and not go crazy with excess.
Cultivating self-respect is key to creating a beautiful life.
And do you know what else my teacher taught me about living a beautiful life?
Lesson #4 — SLOW DOWN
For years, I was living my life like a race — chasing one thing after another — convinced that joy was always in the next thing.
This approach to life had been a large part of my weight issue. When you’re going so fast, you don’t even remember what you ate at lunch. An hour later, you’re convinced you’re hungry again. What you’re really starving for is a bit of pleasure and sanity. Food will never fill that hunger.
The speed at which I was living life meant I was missing out on the truly important things: watching my daughter play a tennis match without being on my phone, enjoying a beautiful conversation over the dinner table, lighting a candle each day.
These little things may not seem like a lot, but they are the details that I’m convinced your 90-year old self will be toasting to one day.
In Paris I discovered that when you slow down, life starts to show you clues that you can’t see when you’re going full steam ahead.
For example, I saw a woman reading a book in a park, and it occurred to me that it had been years since I had read a piece of fiction. I was too busy reading diet and self-help books. I went on a search for a bookstore that sold books in English and bought Pride and Prejudice and read for the sheer enjoyment of it.
As simple as that sounds, something shifted within me.
I made a commitment to make time for the simple pleasures that I’d always put on the backburner convincing myself that “one day” I’d make the effort when I had more time.
Then, I realized something that would change my life forever: I was done waiting until “one day.” After a decade of telling myself this, I knew it was a lie.
I was going to make today the day to infuse my life with the little pleasures.
At first, I wondered, “Will my life fall apart?”
(the funny part was that, truthfully, it already had so what did I have to lose?).
But my life didn’t fall apart. In fact, it started to come together in a way that gave me so much more fulfillment.
By slowing down, my life has sped up in a much more beautiful direction. Oh, the irony!
And with slowing down, one more lesson became abundantly clear:
Lesson #5 — QUALITY CHOICES
I’m sure you’ve heard over and over, “quality over quantity.”
Yet, when you believe that joy is found outside of you, you often stuff your life with more in hopes that the next thing will hold the key to your joie de vivre.
All you’re left with is more crap and a feeling of suffocation.
I’ve studied French women for years. Now, let me be clear: I don’t think that French women are better than other women. We all have wonderful qualities. Yet, I am curious about how she lives her life to be filled with joy, pleasure and style. And, you know the saying? Study those who have something you want.
So, I noticed how Parisian women do things. While walking through the markets in Paris, I noticed her searching intently on finding the perfect head of butter lettuce. In stores, she felt and studied the make and texture of a piece of clothing. She seemed to put a lot of effort into her choices. Naturally, quality was the end result.
Living a life that lacks self-respect, discipline and true pleasure ultimately causes a woman to lower her standards — from the foods she consumes to the people she surrounds herself with.
The result is often a life of quantity, not quality.
Raise your standards and you increase the quality of your life.
Paris taught me what diets don’t teach you.
A decade later, and I’m healthier and happier than I’ve ever been. And I no longer suffer from the torment of weight issues. It is truly a miracle of all miracles. I never ever thought I’d utter those words. It wasn’t a diet that got me here.
It was by practicing these simple concepts:
Let me paint you a picture of my life today as the result of practicing these principles. I don’t share this to brag, I only share because I want to assure you that there’s a different way to live and truly cultivate a well-lived life (and healthy body).
- I no longer work in my PJs from my home office with week old greasy hair, even though no one will see me….. because I have self respect. For this reason, I show up in my life differently.
- My bank account is thriving…… because I understand a fancy pair of shoes isn’t true pleasure when you need to fund your IRA.
- When my mind tries to tell me to hurry and and rush……I remind myself that there is no hurry. I have trained myself to slow down, and fascinatingly, my life has sped up in the the most beautiful direction.
- My business is growing by leaps and bounds…… because when I schedule something (such as writing this article for you), I have the discipline to show up for it.
- I’m surrounded by people and things that reflect what I value most…..because I make more quality choices in my everyday decisions.
- I also don’t fall apart when things don’t go according to plan (and trust me, they often don’t). Instead, through discipline and self-respect, I am able to calmly address what’s before me.
Learning to incorporate these lessons will not only impact your body, but your entire life.
Want to start practicing these principles…today?
While Paris is always a good idea, you don’t need to go to Paris.
Let me ask you:
Are you addicted to struggle?
Do you constantly look outside of yourself for the answers?
Do you feel stuck in creating a body, business or relationships you love?
Do you crave more out of life?
If you said yes to any of those questions, it’s okay.
(And you now by now that I can totally relate)
But, if you are struggling with any of these concepts and you want to start addressing them, download my 3 Mindset Makeovers Every Woman Needs course by clicking below.
Now it’s your turn:
Which Parisian lesson do you want to really practice this week — and how will you do it?
Be sure to leave a comment here on the blog below.
I cannot wait to support you.
You got this, lady!
Did you grab the FKL Manifesto?
IF YOU LIKE IT, SHARE IT