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Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going to fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.
Sauntering is beautiful and elegant. We admire the woman who seems to be a flaneur in her life. But, seldom do we give ourselves permission to do the same. Over coffee, a friend confessed, “I am so ready to slow life down.” I asked her, “Well, why don’t you?” Without skipping a beat, she went into all the reasons she couldn’t.
I have bills to pay.
The kids are always needing to go somewhere.
If I slow down, I might get behind.
Fear, fear, fear. That’s all I heard.
I know that voice all too well.
And, it’s a lie.
Recently, the School of Self-image team and I have been going full speed.
At our last team meeting, we all agreed: it’s time to slow down to a saunter.
Not a screeching halt, just a slower, more luxurious, pace.
And, this is how life works — different seasons for working hard and seasons for rest.
But, if all you’re ever doing is racing through life, you’re probably missing out on the best stuff that life is made of — moments to just read a book, work in your garden, cook a beautiful meal, take an evening stroll.
Fear will steal the most precious moments of your life.
I know this all too well. When it came to speed, eating and practically everything in life, I was an all or nothing kind of gal. I was either going full speed ahead or paralyzed, eating the whole bag or nothing at all.
Moderation was not a mode of operation I knew well.
A French lady once said to me, “Darling, the art of being a woman requires solitude so that the artist can rest and dream.”
It sounds all nice and dandy, but to actually put into practice? Well, this is where trust and faith come into the picture.
There was a time in my life I was living full throttle 24-7, 365 days a year.
And, I was confused as to why I was getting sick? You can only ignore your body for so long before it will get your attention.
Fortunately, you don’t have to wait until you are lying in bed with bronchitis or the flu to find a moderate pace. And, within this space of slowing down a bit, you can assess:
Am I taking care of myself?
Is there space for creativity and inspiration?
Do I even like the path I’m on?
I am craving space to brainstorm the next evolution of School of Self-image — fresh ideas, how I can serve even more and how to add more elegance to the biz (cause we’ve been hustling y’all!).
I am also deeply desiring summer time — taking long walks by the river, enjoying my mom’s visit, weekends on the lake, cooking fabulous meals that are like art, more coffee dates with friends, soaking in long bubble baths, hosting dance parties in my living room.
Here’s what you may not know about me — I love to work (I call it leisurely hustling). I always have. I had my first job in a strawberry patch when I was seven years old, and I’ve been working ever since.
By the way, the opposite of ease is not hard work, it’s struggle. And, I’m not into the whole struggle lifestyle.
Struggle keeps you from slowing down out of fear. Ease asks you to slow down take a more elegant approach to your life.
I always ask myself: what feels like love?
Sometimes, love says, “Stop procrastinating. Go, girl! Full speed ahead.”
But right now? It feels like love to saunter over the next weeks.
You may be wondering, like my friend, “But, when you have so much to do, how do you actually slow down?”
Remember: it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You don’t have to book a trip to a private island and detach from the whole world to slow down a bit.
Here’s my process:
1. Write down all of your obligations (cooking, cleaning, work, laundry, kid’s activities, everything).
2. Go through each item on your list and ask yourself:
Is this necessary?
Would the world end if I didn’t do it?
3. Imagine not doing each item on your list and notice how your body responds.
Do you suddenly relax?
Do you feel lightness?
When I did this exercise a couple of weeks ago, there was one thing on my list that stood out to me.
For over five years, I have been writing to you weekly. I’ve written well over 250 posts — some that many of you have probably never seen and some you may have read many times. But, they’re all timeless.
I don’t have an editor or content manager. The ideas, typos, and grammatical mistakes are all mine.
I’m not complaining. Writing is something I love doing — for you and myself.
Every week, I receive e-mails from readers saying that just by reading my blog, their lives have changed. I beamed when a reader recently told me, “I’ve been married for 24 years, and my marriage is HOT thanks to School of Self-image.” (Can we all celebrate that?)
So, how I plan to slow down a bit over the next few weeks is this: I will be digging into the School of Self-image archives and sharing some of my favorite posts of all time (and, there’s some good stuff in there). You’ll still be hearing from me each week in the newsletter with updates and my weekly j’adore.
I’ll be back writing fresh new content before you know it. But, this is what I need.
When you think about what you need, you may hear that voice in your head:
What will people think?
Will people forget me?
Will I get behind?
Listen up (and take a peek into my head):
If someone is offended by me not writing a new post over the next few weeks, then they probably don’t need to be in this community (or maybe they do, so they can chill out a bit).
If someone forgets me, well, I wasn’t that important in the first place, so au revoir.
And, it’s impossible to “get behind.” Life is not a race, and I’m always where I need to be (and so are you).
Now, it’s your turn.
Are you feeling the need to slow down and saunter? Make your list and let me know what you’re committed to taking off your plate.
Back to a Saunter,
Self-Image Makeover
Live Your Life With Style, Flare, and Elegance
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Hi Tonya! I am definitely a flaneur! I have decided to saunter! Ease is definitely more of my true nature. I have always loved doing things at a pace of ease because it felt good and pleasureable.
I lost that part of myself for awhile and then, one morning--March 23rd to be exact, I woke up that Monday morning to go to work, and fell into the rush and craziness that had taken over me. Whose pace was this, mine or the world's? My a-ha moment came at lunch time when I nearly fell down the stairs! I caught myself before I took a tumble, and my soul spoke to me---"Sweetie, you need to slow down, right here and now." I sat on the top step for a few minutes and I took a few deep breaths and agreed with my soul, it was time to slow down, saunter, put away the cell phone, quit checking facebook, walk around the city, people watch, enjoy the beauty of the architecture, the parks, the sounds all around me...life. I have since cleared a lot of things off my plate that aren't necessary. It feels ooh-la-la, so good!
Hi Regina,
Loved reading your comment.
Ease takes courage.
Racing through life is for the fearful.
xoxo,
Tonya
And, your content will be even more fresh and new after some well-deserved time to play and relax. I just wrote about how rest is a weapon in a beautiful, strategic kind of way. Enjoy the summer!
Hi Pat,
Thanks so much. I already have a million ideas brewing in my head.
xoxo,
Tonya
Everyone needs a break! I can't wait to see what you bring up from the archives, and to read your new content in a few weeks. Have a great summer!
Thanks Kathryn!
I'm truly excited about slowing down and enjoying my summer.
Hope yours is fabulous too!
Tonya, you are perfectly modeling what we may all need to put into practice. Good for you!
Thanks so much Julie! It's been so refreshing. xoxo
Julie,
Thank you!
And, it is a practice that requires a lot of trust, but it beats the alternative.
Happy Summer!
So smart -- I look forward to reading your gems from the archives!
That's a wise point:
"Imagine not doing each item on your list and notice how your body responds.
Do you suddenly relax?
Do you feel lightness?"
Good job, Tonya!
Your posts may be called Frenchie koans (if such a thing exists, -- if not, anyway, you have cretated it 🙂
Tonya, I am so happy that you are embracing what you are teaching! We will all hear what we need to hear, whether from the archives, or your live feed. You are such an inspiration to so many...Have a beautiful summer. I look forward to meeting one of these days, and hopefully doing some personal coaching with you, maybe even travel with you to Paris! Ah, sounds so sweet... Xoxox Laurie
I experienced this just this week. I am currently on holidays and forced myself to go for a walk instead of housework etc. I didn't get very far when I bumped into a neighbour I hadn't spoken to for months. It was lovely to chat about everyday things and just be out in the fresh air and sunshine. I may not have had time to do the 5km walk that was planned but I felt so good when I got home.
So glad you honored yourself Kim! That's when the "miracles" occur.
Tonya-
I love this.
For a long time I was scared to let go and slow down.
I'm discovering, though, that being in alignment is profoundly more powerful, and deeply satisfying, than pushing, racing, and pushing some more.
And my alignment seems to be calling for a lot of sauntering-type energy lately - and things are coming into place for me that even I am stunned to see (although I definitely dreamed them up!) and my creativity- I can just FEEL it- is so much more powerful. I am more "successful" than ever but without the struggle, near-constant burnout and self-doubt. Most importantly, I feel more like myself than ever and am happier than ever - without "working" at it. I'm still learning, but this feels so right to me - it can only be onward and upward from here!
So much of this was aided by your work and the Society last year - so thank you.
Love,
Leah
Oh Leah...I adore you! And, for me, it's been a practice and experimenting with slowing down. And, EVERY TIME, the benefits are always in my favor.
Saunter and create! That's the secret sauce.
I think you absolutely should take a break if that's what you want! And in fact, I look forward to reading some of your classics. I just started reading you in the past year or so, so I'm sure there's plenty of good stuff I've missed.
However, I have to say that this attitude of "If someone is offended... then they probably don’t need to be in this community" is pretty small-minded. I've seen it expressed on a few other blogs as well, and I find it incredible. What you are basically saying is that anyone who disagrees with you can gtfo.
Is that really what you want from your readership?
Hi Imelda,
Thanks so much for your comment, and I hope you are enjoying some of the 'classics."
I completely hear what you're saying regarding my comment. Of course, I honor every woman's opinion, and I encourage you to speak your truth.
What I desire for my readership is for a woman to not be afraid of offending people by honoring themselves and to enjoy life to the fullest.
Hope that clarifies. xoxo
Thank you for a great reminder, Tonya. I'm taking the goal of "getting it all done" off my plate and replacing it with "getting done what I can" during my pre-set work hours. I moved in next to a lake 2 months ago and haven't even gone outside to enjoy it in a week! Thank you for the reminder to stop working and saunter on into summer. I have quiet a few entrepreneur friends I'll be sharing this with. Sunrise over the lake, here I come!
Oh Becky, I hear you! And, it's never all done. Go enjoy that lake. Work will be waiting when you get back, and if I had to bet, you'll be more inspired upon your return! xoxo
Am I too young to saunter? Is it impossible to saunter as a medstudent?