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I don’t know exactly how nor when I became a socially awkward person.
But the day I tried to make small talk with a math teacher at a cocktail party asking,
“Hey, what’s 2 + 2 ?” Well, that was the day I knew I had a problem. #truestory
My first step to addressing my issue was to enroll in an etiquette class.
Etiquette must be the answer!
(Or at least that’s what I told myself. )
And this wasn’t just any old Etiquette class.
It was an “Etiquette class for LEADERS”
Next thing I knew, I was having a color analysis and practicing proper handshakes.
Now, don’t get me wrong, these are great things to know but they didn’t solve my deeper issue: how to recover from being a social weirdo.
But, at least I was wearing the right colors and had a firm grip.
I was so tired of the sweaty palms, the struggling to find words, the feeling out being out of place and shrinking into the background of life.
I wanted to meet interesting people.
I wanted to have more fun.
I wanted to have interesting conversations.
And *really* I wanted to be the kind of woman that guests were dying to meet at the party.
At that moment in time, I’d have been happy with being the kind of woman that doesn’t run and hide in the bathroom at events.
I am happy to report that my social confidence and personal standards have improved since that day.
And, while I’ve experienced many of the benefits since improving my social skills, such as . . .
- Better relationships
- More opportunities
- Influential connections
- Better career
- More money
. . . the most surprising benefits had nothing to do with outward rewards.
You see, at the end of the day, we spend the majority of our time with ourselves.
And the most important relationship is the one with ourselves.
What does this have to do with charm?
A journey to charm is a journey into yourself.
Your relationship with others is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.
When you love yourself, you naturally love others.
When you care for yourself, you care for others.
When you respect yourself, you respect others.
When you appreciate yourself, you appreciate others.
I think you see where I’m going with this.
See, when I set out to improve my social skills, I had no idea how I’d need to look within myself.
To become a charming woman, you must drop a lot of the nasty habits that are destroying your relationship with YOU!
Whether you choose to believe it or not, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have in your life.
If you are a non- believer in that statement above, oh, this post was written just for you!
Here are six surprising reasons why EVERY woman should learning the Art of Charm:
#1 — You learn to really like yourself
I’ve often thought that perhaps the journey we’re all on is the journey back to ourselves, to our natural state of being which isn’t self-loathing but self-adoration.
To be charming, you must stop trying to be liked and learn to like yourself.
It’s a decision and a daily practice.
When I started to like myself, I was surprised at how my social skills improved dramatically. There was an ease to being around others because I was at ease with myself.
#2 — You Stop Outsourcing Your Emotional Life
When you think about why you want to be liked, ask yourself why?
It’s always a feeling you’re after and no one can create your feelings except for you.
Yet, so many people walk into a room wanting others to behave a certain way to make them feel better. We seek words of approval, glances of admiration and acts of affection.
And, do you know the craziest part of all of this? We are outsourcing our emotional life to people who can’t even manage their own. We want people to like us who probably don’t even like themselves.
The charming person doesn’t outsource her emotional life to others, because she knows her emotions are her job.
She takes 100% responsibility for how she feels — no blaming, finger pointing or victimhood.
She takes command of her presence and decides how she’s going to feel around others.
The charming lady = a powerful one.
#3 — You have more fun
When you like who you are and take responsibility for your experience, you discover that there’s SO much fun to be had in any room you enter.
You begin to see the humor in the humans.
You start to show up as your genuine self, which is always more fun than portraying some version of you.
You stop thinking that the whole world is thinking about you, and you relax.
You begin to delight in your own company, and as a result, others begin to delight in your company as well.
You know that the party lives within you and start to bring the festivities to every room you enter.
#4 — You stop being easily offended
I have a family member (who will remain anonymous) who is always pissed about something. She loves being offended.
She interprets life through her very negative filter.
If someone rolls their eyes, she takes it personally.
If someone doesn’t speak in the right tone, she becomes hurt.
If someone doesn’t agree with her, she’s angry.
If someone has to change an appointment, she is nasty about it.
If someone is late, she rants for days about how disrespectful they are.
If someone doesn’t respond to her emails right away, she’s irate.
Her negative energy pushes people away.
If you knew her, you’d understand why. She has no grace for herself, so she has very little to offer others.
Yet, charm is all about drawing people towards you, not repulsing them.
For this reason, you must stop looking for reasons to be hurt and angry.
You must decide that you’re going to be a lady who is so full of joy that it takes a miracle straight from the heavens to offend you, and even then, it’s probably not likely.
#5 — You genuinely love people
For years, I tried to avoid people.
They were dangerous. They couldn’t be trusted. And, they were scary.
All of this was based on my past and the thoughts I had in my head about others.
To be charming required that I learn to love myself so much that loving other people became super easy.
Yes, loving others is a choice, and it’s one I highly recommend if you want to be charming.
Plus, love just always feels better.
And, yes, there are some that I choose to love from afar.
But, choose love for you!
#6 — You become more confident
I’m convinced that it’s not the most attractive or talented person that does incredible things in life. It’s the most confident.
You must gather up the courage to walk into rooms and own your space.
You must stop shrinking out of fear.
You must show up and give life your very best.
You must keep trying until you create the result you want.
You must hold yourself with confidence.
What does this have to do with charm?
Because we admire confident people, and the definition of charm is to arouse admiration.
Therefore, charm = confidence.
Imagine walking into every room overflowing with love for yourself and others, self-confidence, self-respect, and magnetic energy.
This is what it’s like to live as a charming person.
And, for no other reason than the relationship you start to have with yourself, learning how to charm the room is one of the most amazing adventures you’ll ever go on.
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