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Elegance is an attitude.

Longines

What is Elegance exactly?  And, how do you create it? I found myself pondering this question with new opportunities coming my way, a booked calendar, flights to book, reservations to make and a lot of life transition.  I guess one would call it overwhelmed. On occasion, my stomach would tighten, armpits would begin to sweat (not so elegant) and my heart would race.  

At the core of this physiological reaction was my brain trying to convince me of such nonsense, such as:  “you’re going to fail, you don’t have what it takes, you’re not as smart as them, people will be pissed,  you don’t have time, you’re getting old.  Blah, blah, blah.”

But, when you buy into the non-sense, it feels for real, like the gospel.

During those times, I remind myself that I choose elegance as a lifestyle, because elegance is . . .

. . .ease over difficulty.
. . .grace under fire.
. . .simplicity in a complex world.
. . .savoir-faire in difficult situations.
. . .style over standard.

Even more, elegance is a mindset.

However, living elegantly is difficult when we believe . . .

. . . that we must do more (because God forbid that we actually relax).
. . . that our joie de vivre is out there somewhere (and dammit, we must find it before we can be happy!).
. . . that if there’s no pain, there’s no gain (so let’s make life as painful as possible so we can  have some gains).
. . . that we must wait to enjoy our lives (because life will be better some other day, but just not today or probably not tomorrow either!).
. . . that something or someone is going to come in and save us (because that Prince is on his white horse and galloping our way.  Really?).
. . . that our self-worth is tied to some number, score or statistical equation (because a size 6 = an amazing human being or 6 figures in our bank account = awesomeness. Double Really?)
. . . that we don’t have what it takes (but maybe one day, the confidence will show up in a Tiffany box wrapped with a bow at our doorstep).
. . . that our past defines us (because how dare we actually choose who we want to be and how we want to live. That would be insane!).

These beliefs, along with their other variations, have created a culture of women who are who are afraid, confused, exhausted and harsh on themselves.

Enter the Mantra

I’ll admit that I’ve made fun of mantras, envisioning myself sitting Buddha-style on a mat with a group of people chanting our best lives into fruition.  Not my style.

I’m an action gal.  I like to envision and create, not sit around and chant.

Yet, I realized that I’ve been repeating those babies in my head for a long time.  In fact, mantras have been a huge part of my own personal success.

Call them words of desire, intentions or whatever, but for this article, I’m going to call it what it is:  a mantra!

A mantra is . . .

. . . a sacred verbal formula.
. . . a mind tool (its literal meaning in sanskrit)
. . . an object of focus.
. . . a guide for your intentions.

How do mantras work?

Physics state that like attracts like, so when you repeatedly say, “I am so overwhelmed,” guess what?  You attract more overwhelm.  When you claim the tiresome, “I don’t know,” you block yourself from knowing.

The good news is that you can attract other things, things you desire.  Imagine walking around all day and chanting (in your mind or aloud if that’s your style), “The Universe has my back” or “I am one smart lady.”  If you repeat a mantra long enough, you begin to believe it.  And, your actions change as a result.  Then, your world changes.  It is as simpleas that. 

I’ve seen a mantra (slowly but surely) transform the negative mind loops of many of my clients, but only with repetition and practice.  It’s not a one-time-does-the-trick kind of tool.

The magic of the mantra is in the repetition.

Mantras remind us of our truth, calm us, reassure us, bring us back to the present, and over time, they have the power to change our entire belief system.

Instead of allowing your mind to run wild, like a loosey goosey,  use a mantra to focus your concentration, to create with ease, to lighten up and to live life more elegantly.

To remind you that elegance is the path to joie de vivre, I’ve been keeping track of my own mantras that I use like a drug – to medicate my inner self critic, calm my paranoia and paralyze my less than confident side.

If these feel like hocus-pocus to you, I understand.  It’s hard to believe that life can be easy, fun and elegant when you’ve been running the tapes of “work harder, push, grind, worry, stress, fear, compare, judge” in your mind like a non-stop bad 8-track.

So, for now, let’s just treat this as a little fun experiment.

Read through the following mantras and choose one or two that feels most like love and freedom, and practice repeating it yourself throughout the day, especially in those moments when you are feeling overwhelmed/confused/tired/frustrated/insert any heart wrenching emotion here.

Here ya go:

  • Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
  • I don’t have to do anything.  Everything is a choice.
  • Love is available to me in this moment.
  • There will always be things to do. So, relax and enjoy the journey.
  • I created this situation.  Therefore, I can re-create it.
  • Nothing is permanent.
  • I don’t need to impress you.  I must only impress myself.
  • You don’t need to like me.  That’s my job.
  • A path of ease is available to me.
  • There is an elegant solution to this problem.
  • My worth is not tied to a number or score.
  • I am ridiculously great at ______________.
  • I’m not overwhelmed.  I am surrounded by opportunity and possibility.
  • There is no “there.” Only here.  So, be here.
  • Pleasure cannot wait.
  • In this situation, love would _________________.
  • Everything is a mystery. Therefore, I choose to relax into my future.
  • I honor and love my body.
  • I am excited about who I’m becoming.
  • I’m not going to miss out on anything. Opportunities always flow to me.
  • If I say no, the world will not fall apart.
  • Confidence comes through action.
  • I am a brilliant woman.
  • Above all else, I will be compassionate with myself.
  • I deserve rest, fervent self-care and fun!
  • The future is nothing but my imagination, so imagine fabulous things!
  • How I’m feeling is more important than what I’m doing.
  • I don’t need to know right now.
  • I open my heart to receiving.
  • I am responsible for how I feel.
  • My mistakes do not define me.  They show me a better way.
  • I will take action without worry or stress.
  • My to-do list is not as important as my to-be list.
  • Today, I choose to be ______________.
  • I choose to focus on one thing at a time.
  • If this doesn’t get done right now, my world will not implode.
  • The Universe is conspiring on my behalf.
  • I can stop when I choose.
  • I can start when I choose.
  • This situation/feeling is only temporary.  Nothing is permanent.
  • I refuse to buy into other people’s negative energy.
  • I am my own savior.
  • Hear that? That’s God cheering me on!
  • A happy woman is a magnet for her desires.
  • I am exactly where I need to be.
  • The next step will show itself to me. For now, relax and savor this moment!
  • There is no hurry.
  • The world is full of opportunity and abundance.
  • Life is not a race.  And, I’m not a rat.
  • I am committed to loving me.
  • I have so much to appreciate & celebrate, such as _____________.
  • Happiness is not out there.  It’s here. Within me.
  • Great things are happening.
  • I will savor the beauty that’s all around me.
  • I look for what I desire to see.
  • I will party where I am.
  • In the big scheme of things, this isn’t that serious.
  • There is joy around every corner.
  • The purpose of my life is to live with joy.
  • I am inspiring others to _______________.
  • Universe, take over!  I’m taking a nap.
  • There are no “right” or “wrong” decisions.  Just “feel good” decisions.  Now, make it!
  • In this moment, I am safe and secure.
  • My pace is perfect.
  • I (am learning to) trust myself.
  • Me time is sacred time.
  • My past does not define me.
  • I can recommit in this moment.
  • I give myself permission to be who I am.
  • I get what I focus on.
  • I don’t need to figure this out right now.
  • I am mastering the art of ease.
  • I’m not confused. I’m discovering.
  • I have everything I need.
  • I will make where I am beautiful.
  • What an incredibly beautiful world!

And, my personal favorite:

  • I’ve got this!

Now, if you’re a mantra kind of gal, I’d love to hear what’s worked for you.  What’s your go-to phrase or word that relaxes you?  Share in the comments below. If you’re new to the mantra world (or maybe even a little skeptical), was there one that really resonated with you?  Please share.  

Elegantly Yours,

Signature

Tonya

(P.S. The next round of the French Kiss Life Immersion program kicks off in September.  Interviews are being conducted now.  If you want more ease and joie de vivre, let’s chat. Click here to submit an application and join an amazing Society of women who are French Kissing Life . . . in a big way;).

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