An Alternative to New Year’s Resolutions (say goodbye to letting yourself down)

Another New Year is around the corner And, you know what that means?
Time for resolutions…or not! Let me give you some startling statistics.
42% of us make New Year’s resolutions. 9% actually keep them.

Think about that:

Out of almost half our humankind, only 9 out of 100 people actually follow through on their goals.

Pretty startling, right?

All I can think about is how many people end the year feeling super disappointed and like they’ve wasted another year.

The worst part of this whole fiasco is that when you say you’re going to do something and then don’t show up for yourself, you lose trust in yourself.

A woman who doesn’t trust herself is doomed.

Yet this is what I did, year after year, letting myself down.

As women, we MUST have our own back.

For me, my New Year’s resolutions always surrounded my weight.

This will be the year I lose weight.
I’m going to start exercising.
I’m going to stop overeating.

What a dull way to start the New Year.

But, of course, the promise that this year it might actually work, was intoxicating.

…..for about a week.

Then, the reality of change set in, and all that resolution seduction vanished, and I was standing there staring at my running shoes feeling an intense urge to go eat some Cheetos.

Eventually, at a few days, several weeks, or a month, I just threw my hands up in the air and said, “Eff this! I’m going to Dunkin Donuts,” and what felt hopeful on January 1st, now felt impossible. All that sparkle on January 1st had faded into a dull gal.

So, I’d put life on hold until the promise of another New Year, a fresh start and the cycle would continue.

Year after year of setting goals, only to let yourself down, does notlead to a well-lived life.

There is a much better way to start the New Year than saying to yourself, “This is the year I’m going to lose 20 pounds.”

The same goes for finishing your book, finding the love of your life or making $100,000.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I want you, me, and all of us to create whatever we desire.

Yes, I’d love to see you rocking that cute summer dress come July, cashing those fat checks every Friday, and see your pics on Instagram being whisked to exotic locations with Fabio.

You see, I’m all for goals. Our brain needs them. Without them, our mind is like a teenager in puberty with no extracurricular activities or hobbies. They will almost always get into some wild shenanigans that rarely end well.

I have some wild goals myself for next year, but the goals are secondary to my focus for the year.

What do you really want this year?

We often think we want that “thing,” but reaching the goal of that “thing” doesn’t guarantee that we’ll get what we really want.

Let’s take the typical weight loss resolution.

Many women “may” actually lose weight. And, when they reach their goal, they are confused.

Why don’t I feel better?

In fact, that was me when I starved myself down to a size 2.

What happened to all that happiness, confidence and peace that I thought I’d have once I lost the weight?

But, there I was staring in the mirror looking all skinny still feeling afraid and insecure.

Then, like clockwork, the weight started creeping back on.

Or, take my friend, Isaac, for example.

All his life, he wanted to make a million dollars.

Then, he finally did it.

He called me up one day and said, “Tonya, I still feel empty.”

Chasing goals without changing who we are is useless.

What’s all the weight loss, money or status in the world if you’re miserable?

Personally, I’d love for you to create what you want AND feel the way you want to feel.

If you really want to evolve and create amazing things in the new year, make your primary focus be on who you want to become and create from that place.

I’m constantly repeating a “golden nugget” to my clients, and it’s this:

The reason why you want anything is because of the feeling you think it will give you.

Really think about this one.

Why do you want to lose weight? To feel sexy, confident, energetic?
Why do you want to finish the book? To feel proud or accomplished?
Why do you want a million dollars? To feel powerful, abundant, secure?
Why do you want a new job? To feel appreciated, more creative or happier?

But, here’s the thing: outside things don’t create your feelings. Your thoughts about outside things do.

It’s why people jump from job to job hoping to find happiness, only to recreate similar situations in each one.

Feelings are an inside job, and you don’t have to wait until “one day” to start feeling better.

And, when you start feeling better NOW, you’re much more likely to take the inspired action to create what you want.

For example, when you’re feeling sexy and confident, do you unconsciously drive up to the Dunkin Donuts and order a box of Munchkins?

When you’re feeling proud and accomplished, do you blow off showing up for writing your book?

When you’re feeling abundant and secure, do you hide from opportunities and avoid risks?

This is why the French Kiss Life philosophy is quite different than others. We don’t simply focus on S.M.A.R.T. goals because we know that reaching a goal doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get what you’re really after, which is a feeling.

Guess where feelings come from?

Your mind — the thoughts you think, your perspective of the world and where you focus.

Money, weight loss, a man, new job, or anything cannot change your thoughts Only you can do that.

At French Kiss Life, like a garden, we tend to our inner worlds first.

We nourish our minds and hearts on a daily basis with beauty, confidence, joy, and love.

Then, we go out there create.

As someone who’s tried the other approach of just chasing goals, trust me, this is a much better way than trying to hate your body slim, make money from a place of fear, or finding a partner from a place of insecurity. Because, you’ll still end up with self-loathing even though your body is slimmer, fear even though your bank account is overflowing, and insecurity even though there’s a warm body sitting beside you.

It’s a horrible place to be.

Instead, let’s French Kiss our 2018!

Let’s commit to tending to our inner gardens. Let’s reach our goals from a place of abundance and passion because I do love goals. I just know that reaching them doesn’t guarantee that we’ll get what we’re really after, which is always a feeling.

How do you want to feel in 2018?

Please share in the comments below.

In case you’re waiting some extra inspiration for the Holidays, I’ve created a holiday round-up for you.

Are you desiring to give your gifts to the world? → Read this.

Are you hoping that this will be the year that your loved ones buy you that perfect gift? → Read this.

Wanting to add a little Frenchie into your Christmas? → Read this.

If you’re not sure what you want, except that you want to French Kiss this Holiday Season → START HERE.

The Two Questions I ask every New Year’s Eve. → Read this.

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JOIN THE CHIC CONVERSATION BELOW: How do you want to feel this Holiday Season? How do you want to feel this upcoming year?