How often do you find yourself thinking things like, "What if the plane crashes?" Or, "What if I fail? What if I get rejected? What if everyone laughs at me?" Or some kind of variation of these types of what-ifs?
As you can see, the what-ifs can scare you into inaction and a life full of anxiety. But, I have some good news. Did you know that they can also catapult you towards a most exciting life? That's what we're talking about in this episode.
Bonjour, and welcome to the French Kiss Life podcast, where personal development meets style. I'm Tonya Leigh, Certified Master Life Coach and the hostess of this party, where we explore how to live artfully and well. Each week, I'll be sharing inspiring stories, practical tips, and timeless wisdom on how to elevate the quality of your everyday, and celebrate along the way. Let's dive into today's episode.
What is happening, my friends? Welcome back to another episode, and hey, if this is your first time here, I'm so happy that you've stumbled into the world of French Kiss Life. What a fun week it's been for me. I actually got back late last night from spending the week in Denver with my daughter. We were up there apartment hunting. And you know what? I like to pride myself in the fact that I'm very decisive, and I'm a quick start, meaning I get an idea and I jump in and I figure it out.
But it turns out that this is not the case when it comes to housing, especially an apartment for my daughter. Turns out, I am a fact finder, and I love to think about it, and weigh all of the pros and cons, and tour all of the apartments in Denver, and still come to no decision, which is where we are right now. And I'm okay with that.
Now, some you all may be listening to this and thinking, "Wow, you're really making this complicated, Tonya." But, really quick back-story, my daughter's been sick for three years, and what kick-started this whole saga that she's been going through is that she was living in an apartment with toxic mold. So, of course I'm hesitant, and I have to trust my gut.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves the space for the decision to make itself, and that doesn't mean we don't show up. It doesn't mean we don't take action and we don't investigate. But if something doesn't feel right, you need to listen to that.
So yeah, apartment hunting, and I leave tomorrow for Charleston for Thanksgiving, where I get to have a good ol' Southern Thanksgiving with my mom and my dad and my brother and his family and some other friends that are coming up to visit. So, so many good things happening and so, so much to be grateful for.
And speaking of gratitude, this is the part of the show where I get to highlight someone in the community that I'm grateful for, someone that has benefited from the French Kiss Lifestyle. Today's community spotlight is on Wisdom and Wellness.
She left me a five-star review on iTunes that reads, "Bringing inspiration and fairy dust each week. This podcast offers food for thought and inspiration for living. Growth requires nourishment, and this podcast nourishes the growth of our souls. I look forward to each week's podcast. Tonya strikes a great balance between being inspiring and being relatable. She reminds us that we owe it to ourselves to live our dreams, and that the journey can be as wonderful as the destination.
Her laughter and refusal to take it all so seriously is a really important ingredient, too. Our lives are too precious to be weighed down with heavy and ineffective mindsets. She often reminds us that we can choose our feelings by choosing our thoughts, and that we need to choose thoughts that lead us towards freedom and joy. Thank you, Tonya, for the beautiful work you do. It makes a difference for so many women, and a car full of little boys that listen to it with this mama, as I sprinkle fairy dust around my part of this planet."
Thank you, Wisdom and Wellness, for that beautiful review and yeah, keep sprinkling that fairy dust, because we need more of it in this world. And to those boys in the car with you, listen to me. Be kind, and listen to your mama. She knows what's up.
Let's talk about the power of your what-if. So, I was actually inspired to do this episode because I was on our Slim, Chic and Savvy forum recently, and someone was sharing one of their big dreams. And immediately, she started to talk about all of the negative potential what-ifs. "What if I fail? What if this doesn't work out? What if I get sick? What if I run out of money?" It was just one what-if statement after another that as I was reading it, it was no surprise that she was having so much resistance around going after this dream.
But, it also recently happened to me. So, a couple of weeks ago, I was meeting with my CFO, and we were going over this year's numbers, preparing for taxes, really talking about next year and my goals. And it's been my best year ever, in so many ways, not just financially, but the ease that I feel in business. The systems that we've created, the team that I've built, the clients that I'm working with, the amount of time that I have off, my friendships, my relationships, my dog, Sarah, like everything is going so well.
But, this did not stop my brain from going to crazy town. Suddenly, I started feeling so much anxiety. And I'm like, "What is happening?" And I looked into my head, and it was very obvious what was happening. I had all of these negative what-if statements, just like my client. "What if you can't keep this up? What if this is as good as it's going to get? What if you are at the top of your game right now, and everything else is just downhill? What if you get sick? What if your team decides to leave you? What if you run out of ideas? What if you're just not good enough?"
Does any of this sound familiar? I know it probably does, because I coach so many of you, and I see this around your dreams of creating a healthy body. I hear women say, "But what if it doesn't work? What if I fail? What if I'm always going to struggle with my weight?" Or, when women want to start a business, I hear them say, "But what if it fails? What if people judge me? What if I don't have anything original to say? What if I'm not good enough? What if I can't keep it up? What if I'm not smart enough?"
Or, women who want to find the love of their life? "What if there are no good men that are out there? What if they don't like me? What if I'm just destined to be alone for the rest of my life?"
Or, let's talk about money, your what-if statements around money. "What if that investment flops? What if I run out of money? What if I can't manage money? What if I just don't know how to make money? What if I'm just not good enough?" What I want you to know is that it's actually very normal for this to happen. So, when you start having these negative what-ifs, don't think that something's gone wrong. Your brain is doing what it's designed to do, and that is to keep you in the familiar.
And the way it does that is it tries to scare you into staying where you are, and throwing out negative what-ifs is a great tactic to do that. Because if you paint a scary picture of the future, if you take action, then you're going to not take the action and you get to stay where you are, and then your brain's like, "Yay! We won. We can just stay here in this familiar."
But the moment you start changing your what-if statements to something positive, to something exciting, to something empowering, then you are inspired to take the action, which is what I did.
After I said, "Oh, no, sister, that is not how this is going to go down." I started to counteract every negative what-if with a positive one. So, instead of indulging in, "What if this is as good as it gets?" I countered it, "What if I'm just getting started? What if it just gets better and better?" Instead of, "What if you run out of ideas?" I turned it into, "What if you are full of ideas and they're always available to you, and you're always going to have more than enough?" Instead of, "What if you get sick?" I turned it to, "What if you're getting healthier day by day?" What if every choice you make is a choice of more health, more love, more joy, more abundance?
Instead of, "What if my team leaves me?" I turned it into, "What if my team loves the vision and they're excited to be on board, and I'm going to call in more people to help me bring my vision to life." So instead of staying stuck in the what-ifs of scarcity and limitation and fear, I counteracted them with the truth. The truth of abundance, the truth of joy, the truth of passion, the truth of love, the truth of excitement.
And as I did this, I could feel the anxiety start to dissipate, and I could feel myself start to expand, because that's what happens. When you stop listening to the thoughts that try to keep you stuck in where you are, and you start creating thoughts from your future, you start creating thoughts that excite you, that empower you.
I want you all to pay attention to your what-ifs. If you're not mindful, you can scare yourself into staying in the familiar. And here's the thing. Everything that you want and don't yet have is in that space of the unfamiliar. It's in the mystery of life, so it's going to require that you have the courage to step into it. But I know if you're walking around focused on negative what-ifs, you are going to be less likely to take the actions that you need to take, to create what it is that you want to create.
Now, sometimes people will say to me, "But Tonya, those things really could happen, you know? Like, I could run out of money, I could fail, that plane could crash." And yes, anything could happen. Everything is uncertain.
But my question to you is, what is the point in focusing on it? How does that serve you in this moment, other than keeping you where you are? Now, if you love where you are, then by all means, stay there. But I think the point of life is to grow and expand and to see what we're capable of, right? Not to be stuck and scared into staying in the familiar.
And so by changing your what-if statements, you begin to tell your brain what to go out there and create. For example, I was really being challenged with a project recently. And just like with the apartment hunting, I was making it very complicated. And I started to ask myself, "What if this could be easy?" And suddenly, my brain was like, "Oh, you want to make this easy? Okay, you should have told us this sooner." And I had all of these ideas around how to make it easier just by changing my what-if statement.
So, it's time that I give you all some tough love, some TL love, because I love you. If you want to live a beautiful and extraordinary life, if you want to live artfully and well, rule number one is, you must become the CEO of your mind, because if left unattended, it's going to go wild, like a bunch of raging hormonal teenagers, left alone for the weekend. It's so true. You have to manage it. You have to tell it what to think. You have to direct it, you have to focus it. You have to tell it what to look for. You have to tell it what to go out there and create.
But most of y'all have left your house unchaperoned with raging hormonal teenagers, right? You're thinking thoughts based in the past, based on old experiences, based on what you've been taught you should believe, what you should think. But here's the thing. To create something you've never had, you're going to have to become someone you've never been, which is going to require that you think things that you've probably never thought.
The thing is, it's all made up. You can make up scary stories about your future, or you can make up exciting ones. And when you start throwing out exciting what-if statements, you're going to be inspired to get up in the morning and try new things, and do new things, and to go after your dreams.
So, what if money just flows to you with ease? What if you just keep getting better and better? What if you're getting healthier every single day? What if this is your best day? Your best week? Your best month? Your best year yet? What if everyone loves you? And if they don't, they're just confused? What if you're more than enough? What if it could be easy for you? What if you became the most organized person on the planet? What if you became a person who followed through on your desires? What if you became the best CEO ever? What if life is always working in your favor? What if life really, really wants you to succeed, and it's just waiting for you to get out of your own way?
So the next time you have a negative what-if, and I promise you, you will, it's just part of the deal, but I want you to see it for what it is. It's just your brain trying to keep you in the familiar. It's just a thought in your head trying to scare you. Just like that imaginary boogeyman that we always were afraid of when we were kids. That's what our brains try to do to us, and one of the ways it does it is these scary what-ifs of the future.
But equally, you can start to tell yourself beautiful stories of the future. Stories of possibility, stories of beauty and empowerment, and dreams coming true. If you focus your what-if statements on that, I promise you, you're going to live a very, very different life, my friend. So, the next time you have a negative what-if statement, just counteract it with a positive one, and notice how those positive what-if statements change how you feel. More excitement, more determination, more confidence, more focus.
And then notice how, when you feel that way, you show up very different in your life. And then notice how, when you're showing up very different in your life, you're creating very different results. It all starts inside of you, it all starts in your mind.
So, be the CEO of your mind, and change those negative what-if statements into positive ones.
It is time for J'adore, the part of the show where I get to share something that I love with you. And I have to tell you all, for some reason, I'm losing my voice, but I love this thing so much, I'm not going to let my voice stop me from sharing it.
So, one of the things I want you all to know when it comes to this part of the show is that I only share things that I really enjoy and believe in. These are products that make my life easier, or more fun, or more enjoyable, or more entertaining, or more healthy. But, I don't share things just because I think I'm supposed to. I really share things that I am passionate about. Which is why, for this particular J'adore, I've been waiting to see if it's worth all of the hype.
So, a little bit of back-story. I've had friends for years tell me that I should get one of these. I've even seen them in hotels and the gyms, and I finally stumbled upon a showroom, and I went in and tried the Peloton bike. And, I immediately knew that I was going to be hooked. Everything about it was just right up my alley. The convenience, the quality of the classes, the feeling of community, the workout that you get on the Peloton.
And so, I came home and I told Glen, I'm getting a Peloton. And of course, he thought I was crazy. He was like, "Why don't you just get a stationary bike? It's the same thing." And I'm like, "No, you don't get it. You don't get it." And so I got the bike anyway. That's the beauty, ladies, of having your own money, is that your guy may disagree with you, but it's your money. You can do what you want to with it.
And so, I got the bike and they delivered it. And immediately Glen started riding it. And he was like, "Oh, I get it now. This is pretty good." And I love it for so many reasons. The main one for me being how convenient it is. So, the closest gym for me is like 20 minutes away, and that's on a clear, sunny day. Now, when you start factoring in the fact that we are going to get lots of snow this winter, it could take a lot longer.
And for me, time is one of the most precious commodities, and I also want to take really good care of myself. I want to get a good workout, I want to stay healthy and fit. And so just having the convenience of this bike in my house is so worth it to me. Not to mention the quality of the teachers and the classes and the sense of community, it's just so much fun.
And so, if you've been thinking about getting a Peloton, I'm here to tell you that I am so, so happy with my investment. And if you, by chance, never heard of the Peloton, it's a stationary bike that has this big-screen TV, and you stream classes from the Peloton Studios, they're in New York. I know there's one in London, there may be some somewhere else, but there's instructors. You figure out which instructors you really like, and you can tune into their classes. You can do them live, you can do them on demand. And then they even have other types of workouts that you can do.
And so, I'm so pleased with my Peloton. I mean, I try to get a ride in once a day. And that's the other thing. They have rides that are like 15 minutes, or you can go up to over an hour. They have rides that are DJ rides, so they bring a DJ into the studio, so it's really good music. And then the instructors are all different types of energy, all different types of style, and so you really find those instructors that speak to how you love to work out.
And so that is my J'adore for today. I think it would be something beautiful to gift yourself for Christmas, and I even have a referral code. Feel free to use it or not. I think if you use the code I get like $100 in accessories, and you do as well. And the code is AVR4D3. Feel free to use it. My feelings will not be hurt if you don't, but if you use it, you get $100 in free accessories, and I think that would be pretty cool.
But yeah, Peloton bike, I really, really do love it, and if you happen to have one or you decide to get one, let me know what you think. Do you love it as much as I do? Thanks for tuning in this week. I'll see you in the next episode. Cheers.
If you enjoyed this episode and you want to dive even deeper into the French Kiss Lifestyle, let’s start with a makeover; a mindset makeover. You can download my free training, The 3 Mindset Makeovers Every Woman Needs by visiting www.FrenchKissLife.com/mindset– because after all, mindset is the new black.