Understanding Your Two Worlds

Within every human there are two worlds. There’s your inner world and your outer world. And the French Kiss Life philosophy focuses on elevating the quality of both of these worlds. And when you have a knowledge of how these worlds work and how they’re impacting you, you can use this knowledge for you so that you can create a life that, I promise you, one day your 90-year-old self will raise a flute to and say, “Well done, darling.”

Bonjour, and welcome to The French Kiss Life Podcast, where personal development meets style. I’m Tonya Leigh, certified master life coach and the hostess of this party, where we explore how to live artfully and well. Each week, I’ll be sharing inspiring stories, practical tips, and timeless wisdom on how to elevate the quality of your everyday and celebrate along the way. Let’s dive into today’s episode.

Well hello, beautiful friends. I am laying in my bed in a robe. And beside me is a silver tray with a silver carafe of coffee and this beautiful small rose, and a lemon zest biscotti. How amazing is that? I am literally living out my perfect day.

In fact, a couple of days ago, I came back from working all day, so I met with part of my team here and we were doing videos and then I did a photoshoot. And I had so much fun. We laughed all day. It was amazing. And I was just like, “What is happening right now? Who am I being, number one?” because I used to have this crazy story that I wasn’t good on video, and therefore I was super-awkward on video.

But the content just came out of me, it just flowed through me and it was so fun. And I’m like, what is happening? But I’m telling you all, that is the power of this work. It literally changes you from the inside out. And as you change the world outside of you starts to change. And I’m experiencing that.

The me of 10 years ago, I couldn’t even imagine this day. It was so far out of reach. But here I am living it. like, what happened? I’m telling you, every day, I practice what I teach in my programs, more specifically in Slim, Chic, and Savvy, because that’s the foundation.

I practice it every single day and it’s literally rearranged and recreated my entire life from the inside out. So, many of you know that I chose the word amazed for my word of the year, and I’m truly amazed right now. And here’s the really interesting thing, you guys; it’s always around us.

I could have been amazed those years ago when I was struggling but I just couldn’t see it. I couldn’t see what was possible. I couldn’t see what was amazing about life because I was always looking for my problems, I was always chasing an outcome from a place of fear and scarcity.

So, it was always available. I think I’m just tuned in and tapped into it now. And so, I’m begging you, I’m begging, begging, begging you because I love you, I want you to know that whatever it is that you want to create, it is possible for you. I hope that I’m an example of that. Me, sitting in this bed in Charleston, wearing my robe, recording a podcast, like amazed. I’m mind-blown.

And more specifically, and what I love most, this is great, like I love it, what I’m able to do right now. But it’s who I have become in the process. Like, how I feel with me, my relationship with me, that is the best part and it’s so worth it, so, so worth it.

So, please, please, I’m asking you, pay attention to what your heart desires. Play with the possibility that it could happen, that it is possible. And it may feel so out of reach from where you are now, just like I couldn’t imagine this 10 years ago, right? But I kept just reaching for the next thing and I kept working on myself from the inside out, which has led to a completely different life and a completely different world.

It is time for a Community Spotlight. This is the part of the show where I get to highlight someone in the community who has benefitted from the French Kiss Lifestyle. And today’s spotlight is on Lisa B. She is actually one of my Slim, Chic, and Savvy members and here’s what she had to say.

“I joined Slim, Chic, and Savvy three years ago after a devastating heartbreak. I was feeling like a victim, and even though others said I was a strong woman, I didn’t feel like it. I was able to file for divorce that I have been stuck in for four years and indecision, recover from that heartbreak and begin to create the life I wanted. I learned this through Slim, Chic, and Savvy principles and the wisdom of Tonya. In addition, I have found an invaluable group of support from what I call my SCS Sisters. They are woman who are likeminded and this has been so wonderful to me because, as I’ve changed, my friends have changed in response to that.

This is an investment so worthwhile in myself. It’s just invaluable and I can’t say enough good thing about the SCS immersion program and Tonya as our coach. Thank you, Tonya. Looking forward to round four for me and see what adventure awaits me on this journey of loving myself.”

Thank you, Lisa. You know, what is so fun for me is that we are watching each other grow. That’s one of the things that I love about my Slim, Chic, and Savvy program because, once you invest in it, you have lifetime access to it. and you have lifetime access to the community.

So, literally for some of you all, you’ve been in the program since it first started. And when was that? Like, eight years ago. And so, watching you use these principles year after year and to see where you were and where you are now is like the most fun thing for me. It’s like I literally get to see you create your before and after.

But that’s not all. You all are seeing me do it too. I tell all of my ladies in SCS, I’m like, “Hey, listen, I am doing this work right alongside you and it’s such an honor for me to be able to share within my programs my own challenges and where I’m getting stuck and how I’m using the tools I teach in SCS to help me overcome them.

I think we learn so much by real life examples, and so we’re watching each other literally saunter right through our challenges and then sharing that experience so that we can support each other in helping them overcome theirs. So, I just love it. I love SCS. It is my first program. It is the foundational program for living the French Kiss Lifestyle.

And I think it’s the best investment ever too, Lisa. And I think anyone is SCS will tell you that because these tools literally change your life from the inside out. And so, to all my SCS ladies, you know I love you and I’m so excited about our upcoming round of Slim, Chic, and Savvy.

I thought it would be fun to actually share with you the French Kiss Life coaching philosophy because, I realize I’ve never done an episode on this. I mean, I think you’ll see that all of my episodes embody what I stand for and how I coach, but to actually walk you through it and lay it out, I don’t think I’ve ever done.

So, when it comes to my philosophy and how I coach, I must first of all say that this is not my own; meaning the core of what I teach is ancient old wisdom. It’s nothing new. It’s what has been talked about for thousands and thousands of years. It’s just that we often take it and we tell it in a different way.

We tell it in a way that our communities can understand. We tell it in a way that we had to tell it for ourselves to understand. But my work has been influenced by so many people starting with my very first mentor Martha Beck, who really woke me up to the fact that I needed to listen to my body.

There’s a whole world of wisdom within my body that I was ignoring, and when I learned to tap into it and listen to it and allow it to guide me, I realized our body, our intuition is always, always trying to guide us. Then there’s Tony Robbins, good old Tony, right?

And even though I’m not one to go to an event and shout and scream and walk on coals, like I don’t feel like I need to do that. And it’s not because I’m resisting anything, I’m just like, my soul would rather go and sit with good friends and have a glass of champagne or travel to Paris, right?

I honor what he’s done and I know it’s impacted the lives of so many people. But his style doesn’t really resonate with me, but his teachings do. Does this make sense? So, hearing him talk about taking massive action, hearing him talk about the power of decision. Those things really impacted me on a deep level. And I just took what he was teaching me and lived it out in my very FKL way.

Then there’s my dear, dear friend that I love with all of my heart. Every time I text her, I’m like, “I miss your face.” I love her. But my dear friend Brooke Castillo who creates the self-coaching model, which is another spin on cognitive behavioral therapy, which basically says your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, your actions create your results.

These are ancient old principles that people are telling in different ways. And so, when it comes to the French Kiss Life philosophy, I’ve just taken all of the things that have really helped me and supported me; teaching from Pema Chodron and the Dali Lama, even teachings from the Bible. It’s all saying the same thing, but I’ve just packaged it in a very French way.

I like to say I’ve put the French twist on it. I love to see the world through beauty and femininity and elegance and grace. But the teachings never change, my friends. So, when it comes to the French Kiss Life philosophy, the way I see a woman is that she has two worlds going on.

Now, I know, as humans, we think we just have one world and it’s this one experience. But in reality, you have two worlds. You have your inner world, which consists of your thoughts and your beliefs and your energy, the vibrations that those emotions create. And then you have your outer world, which is your environment. It’s everything outside of you.

And when I see those two worlds, I see two bridges. There’s the bridge of action, and then there’s the bridge of energy. So, you think a certain way you feel a certain way, and you take a certain action, and that’s creating your outer world. But equally, your outer world is carrying a vibration and an energy that’s impacting your inner world, so it’s this beautiful cycle that when you really understand it, you can begin to use this knowledge for you.

Now, when it comes to coaching, there are some coaches and some philosophies that only focus on the inner world; your thoughts and your feelings. And this is super-important because it’s creating everything, right? But then, there are other coaches that only work on the outer world. They’re all about, “Let’s take some action. Let’s change things around in your outer world.”

And while that can give you some temporary results, it doesn’t create long-term results because, eventually, you’re going to come back to what you believe to be true because your outer world is a reflection of your inner world.

So, let me just give you an example. So, for years, I would look at my outer world, i.e. a scale. And it would read a certain number, and I would start to think thoughts like, “I’m so fat, I’m never going to be able to lose weight. This is so hard. This is impossible. I’m always going to struggle with this.” Which would make me feel so defeated and discouraged and really sad.

And so, when I was feeling that way, what did I want to do? You guessed it. I wanted to go and eat because those feelings were so uncomfortable. I wanted to escape them. And so, I was constantly craving an outer world that reflected my inner one.

So then, I would try to go on a diet. I would try to change my outer world, my body. And I would take a lot of action. I would deprive myself and it would feel like I was white-knuckling it the entire time. It was so hard. And eventually I was done. I’m like, “I can’t keep this up.” And then the weight would come back on.

And the reason being is I never changed my inner world. I was still thinking like an overweight person. I was still feeling like an overweight person. And so inevitably, because the outer world is a reflection of your inner one, I would gain the weight back.

Now, with all of that said, in the French Kiss Life coaching philosophy, we work on both words simultaneously because your environment is so powerful. You know what it’s like to be in an environment where, when you’re in it, you feel alive, you feel excited, you’re around people that are encouraging and thin anything is possible. And all of a sudden, it triggers you to think different thoughts. It triggers you to feel different ways and, all of a sudden, you’re taking different action, which is changing your outer world.

Now, equally you can be in environments where everyone’s telling you that you’re not good enough, that you don’t have what it takes, everybody around you is complaining. Energetically, it’s a drain. And even though you can change in those environments, trust me, it is so much harder.

And I’m like, why would you do that? Why would you try to change that environment versus putting yourself in a different environment where change becomes so much easier? Because change is hard enough by itself. It’s uncomfortable because you’re literally rearranging patterns. You’re rearranging your thoughts, you’re rearranging your energy, you’re rearranging your DNA. And so, because all that commotion is happening within you, it’s uncomfortable in and of itself, but then to do it in unsupportive environments is even harder.

One of the things that I often hear from members of my programs is that they’ll say, “You know what, Tonya? I tried to do this thing for years. And while working with you, I was able to finally do it, and there was so much more ease around it. Why is that?”

Well, I will tell you why. Because we don’t just focus on your inner world and your thoughts and your feelings all of the time. We also look at your outer world and how can you elevate the quality of that to match how you want to feel, so that both of your worlds are constantly reinforcing each other in a positive way.

Now, when it comes to your two worlds, what we often do is we look at our current outer world, our environment, everything that we’ve created up until now. And we base our inner world on it. So, we look at a number on a scale and we think thoughts that actually created that number on the scale. And that is based on your past world.

So, in my programs, what we do is we start thinking about your future outer world, what it is that you want to create. What is it that you want to experience? Who do you want to become? How do you want to feel? And then we start creating an inner world to match that.

So, what that means is, like, what is she thinking? How is she feeling? And how does that compare to where you are now? What are you currently thinking? What are you currently feeling? But we don’t stop there.

Then we start to say, what kind of environment is that woman in? Who is she hanging out with? What is she wearing? How is she showing up in her world? What is she reading? What is she eating? How does she treat other people? What does her bedroom look like? What is she doing at work? What projects is she working on?

And then we start making tweaks to the outer world as well to reconfirm what you want to think and how you want to feel and what you want to believe. Because here’s the thing; your outer world is a reflection of your inner one, and your inner one is creating your outer one.

So that means, as you begin to think different, as you begin to feel different, that energy is vibrating from you. It’s driving you to show up in new ways, to take different actions, and therefore create a completely different experience, completely different results. And equally, your outer world is sending messages back to your brain.

One of the examples I can give you is like, just having a fresh bouquet of flowers in my house, when I look at them, they spark different thoughts; thoughts of joy, thoughts of beauty, thoughts of elegance, luxury, which then impacts how I think, how I feel, how I show up, proving that your environment is so powerful.

My experience has been that there are very few coaching programs that actually pay attention to both of these worlds. A lot of coaches spend all of their time in the inner world. You know, they have you sitting around saying affirmations and mantras and doing a lot of thought work. Which is great because, again, your inner world is creating your outer world, don’t get me wrong. And we do spend time there.

But I think this is why the secret didn’t work for a lot of people, because it was only focused on the inner world. And so, people were just sitting around trying to envision their best lives and think positive thoughts, but where was the action? Where was the shifting and reshaping of their external world and environment to help support what they wanted to believe, to help support how they wanted to feel?

And then there are coaches that solely focus on the outer world. They’re the first ones to tell you, you need to eat like this, you need to go put on this outfit, you need to do this in your business, you need to do all these things in your environment. But they never really address what you’re thinking and feeling now that is in opposition to that.

But when you have a coach that can help you address both worlds at the same time, that’s when you can start to get a lot of momentum in your life. So, remember, you have two worlds. And you need to pay attention to both of them. Really spend time looking within your inner world without judgment.

Just notice, like, what are you thinking? How does it make you feel? And for some of my ladies, when they first come to me, they don’t even know what they’re thinking. They don’t even know what a thought is. They just think everything is true. They’ll think a thought like, “I’m not enough,” and they just really believe it. and I’m like, “No, that thought is optional.”

And as mu mentor Martha Beck says, “If it doesn’t taste like freedom, it is not your truth.” You are tasting lie after lie after lie and it tastes horrible. So, stop tasting it, there are so many other fabulous things you can taste, right? But again, you have to pay attention to what is going on in your inner world and just notice how your outer world is a reflection of it.

If you believe you’re not lovable, you energetically probably push people away. If you believe that you’re not good with money, you probably have a lot of evidence for that. You probably have bills everywhere, money just floating around in the bottom of your purse. Maybe you don’t even look at your money so you end up proving that true in your outer world.

If you have a belief that there’s not enough time, that you’ll never get it done and you’re full of overwhelm, then your outer world probably proves that true too, right? Because you probably end up putting more things on your plate, or you probably procrastinate because you’re so full of anxiety and confusion you don’t even know where to start, an so it feels as if things just keep piling up, but it’s only because the outer world is always, always, always a reflection of your inner one.

And so, you can put yourself on the best budgets. You can get the best calendars. You can find the best diets. And you can try really hard to follow them. But if you’re not shaping and changing your inner world at the same time, it’s going to be really hard to create the results you want.

But them, I want you to pay attention to your outer world. Notice the things in our environment that are draining you. It could be things, a lot of clutter, it could be people that are constantly complaining and then you’re complaining about them complaining. It can be anything in your outer world that is an energetic drain.

And then, just imagine for a moment two future worlds of you; your future inner world and your future outer world. And the work from this moment is how can you begin to bring those future worlds into the world you have right now? Because in that future world, my friend, you’re not broken. You never have been. You never will be.

You’re just a fabulous woman living a fabulous life having a fabulous experience. And that’s one of the things that I love about my philosophy. It’s unraveling this belief that so many of us have that we’re broken and we need to fix ourselves. And that is just a thought. That is a belief.

So, as long as you think you’re broken, you cannot take enough action in the outer world to prove anything otherwise. So, we have to fix that belief system, and then from that place, just go out there and create. Create from a place of enoughness. Create from a place of love. Create from a place of joy and excitement and possibility. It’s a very different energy.

But then pay attention to your future outer world and just imagine, like, who are you hanging out with? What are you wearing? Where are you? What are you doing? And then how can you bring that into the world you have today?

And here’s the thing, you all – and I see my clients getting tripped up with this – they want results now. They want to see their outer world shift overnight. And I’ve done that too. And yes, quantum shifts are available to you. I’ve experienced them in my lifetime. However, most of my change has been so tiny. Like, little tiny steps at a time.

And tiny is not mind-blowing in the moment. tiny doesn’t, like, knock your socks off. Tiny is sort of boring in the moment. But can you believe in your future world enough that you’re willing to do the little daily steps that it’s going to require to create it? Can you have faith in a vision of things not yet seen?

So often, we grow up with this saying, like, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” But that’s not how it works. You’ll see it when you believe it, when you have faith in those two worlds, when you can envision them and you keep holding onto that vision no matter what. And then you do the tiny little daily shifts in your inner and your outer world to bring them to fruition.

And for me, what helped me years ago is when I decided to fall in love with the process instead of always chasing the thing and telling myself I can’t be happy until I get the thing. That wasn’t working because I was making myself miserable. And I wanted to make the journey to the dream as beautiful as the dream itself. And so, for me, I decided, I just want to have fun with the process.

I want to embrace the tiny things. I love being a woman that shows up for herself. I love being a woman who does what she says she’s going to do. I love being a woman who embraces the everyday and enjoys the simple pleasures and knows that over there is no better than here.

And so, from that place, I’ve embraced the tiny steps of change, the tiny steps in my inner world, thinking something that feels just a little bit better. It may not give me total relief, but it feels a little bit better, and then making a little change in my outer world that reinforces what I want to believe, that reinforces how I want to feel, that is in alignment with the future world that I see myself in.

And it may be something as small as putting on a little perfume. It may be something as small as writing an email. Or it may be something as big as putting myself in new groups that think totally different, that just being in that environment shapes me and changes me in a positive way.

Finally, I just want to share a quick story with you. I remember when I was a little girl, I would sit on the back pew of my little country church. And I envisioned a different world. I dreamed of a world where I traveled and wore beautiful clothes. I dreamed of a world where my life had a positive impact on people. I dreamed of having a community that just lit my soul.

Now, at the time, that world felt so far from the world I was living in. but I didn’t stop believing in it. I didn’t stop dreaming about it. And fast forward to today, I am living in that world. And my overnight success story has been 20 years in the making. But I was willing to stay committed to that vision of the world I wanted to live in. I was willing to do the tiny daily practices and shifts to create that world.

And here’s the really interesting thing. When you finally find yourself in that world, you’ve believed in it so long, it’s not that shocking. You’re like, “Of course I’m here.” It’s sort of anticlimactic. But what I want to tell you is that now I’m dreaming of new worlds. I’m envisioning the future and what can be and the possibility and I’m excited about it. I’m looking forward to it.

I’m in no rush to get there because I know over there is going to be no better than here. I learned that the hard way, by creating results and realizing I’m still miserable because of how I created them. I never changed my inner world, right? But yeah, I’m so excited about those new worlds that I’m envisioning in my mind.

And now, I know the work is to come back to the world I have today and to make those little shifts that were going to get me closer to the world that I want to be in, and to have a blast doing it because, if it’s not fun, then why in the world even do it? Let’s make the journey to the dream as beautiful as the dream itself.

It is time for J’adore. This is the part of the show where I get to share something that I love with you. And I am so excited about today’s J’adore. I am one of those people that, when I find something that I’m obsessed with, I literally would just tell people on the streets. I’m like, “Have you tried this? Because if you haven’t, you must.”

And that’s how I feel about today’s J’adore. I’ve been telling all the people everywhere about it, except for you. And I’ll tell you why I haven’t shared it with you yet; because I wanted to make sure that I loved it as much as I did the first month. And I’m happy to report, I love it more than ever.

And I just have to give a shoutout to my daughter for today’s J’adore because she is the one that introduced me to it. she loves skincare. She’s as obsessed, if not more so, than I am. And so, when she was sharing it with me, I was like, “Let me just go on and check out what you’re talking about.” And I started to dive into the company and the concept and I was like, “This is brilliant. If the products are as good as what they’re saying they are and if how they’re doing it is as innovative as it seems, this is going to change the beauty industry.”

So, today’s J’adore is called Beauty Pie. Oh, my goodness, I am so excited to share this with you. Okay, so, let me just explain to you my understanding of Beauty Pie and how it works. Because, I’ll admit, when I first heard about it and I went to the website, I was a little confused. And so, I had to really go through it and then I also listened to some other people who had reviewed the service, the products, to really get a grasp on what you get when you join Beauty Pie because Beauty Pie is a subscription-based product.

It is something that you pay for every single month, and then that allows you to buy a certain amount of product. It’s like a Costco membership. So, you pay to join Costco, which then allows you to get into the store and buy your things.

Now, before I share with you how the subscription works, I want to share the concept of Beauty Pie because I think again it’s brilliant. So, the founder of Beauty Pie actually started the company Bliss. Some of you may have remembered Bliss Spas, Bliss products. And so, she was behind the scenes of the whole beauty industry.

And what she realized is that there are only a few labs in the world that create and formulate and produce these luxury products. So, think Chanel, Dior, Yves Saint Laurent, all of those. There are only a few labs in the world that actually formulate and produce these products. So, all of these companies go to these labs in order to have their skincare products made.

So, they’re not manufacturing the products themselves. They source it from these third-party labs which then conceive of the ideas, create it, manufacture it for them. And then, once they are manufactured, you think, they have to be put into their pretty packaging, they need to be sent to big box stores. They need to pay for marketing through influencers or celebrities.

And so, by the time you buy the product, the cost is five times what it actually costs to produce. So that means you could be paying $100 for something that it costs $10 to make.

So, Beauty Pie has come in and they’re offering something completely different because what they’re doing is they’re cutting out the middleman. They’re cutting out the celebrity high-dollar marketing. They’re cutting out the retailer markups. And they’re simply charging for the very minimal packaging, the safety testing, and then the warehousing of the product.

So, what that means for, let’s say, $130 anti-aging cream, you would pay $12.78. Same labs, same ingredients, totally different delivery. And so, I’ll admit, when I heard this, I’m like, “This is way too good to be true.” But I had to try it and I am so impressed by their products. I love the packaging. It’s beautiful, it’s minimal. I really enjoy the products that I’ve tried. And I’m so excited to be a member of Beauty Pie.

So, let me share how the subscription works because this is where I got tripped up a little bit. I was like, “I don’t know how this works.” But it’s actually really simple when you have someone explain it to you.

So, there are different membership levels. You can do one that’s $9.99 a month, $19.99, $29.99, and then they have an annual membership. And so, based on which membership you choose depicts how much product you can purchase each month.

Now, that seems pretty cut and dry. However, it’s important to understand that your allowance for that month is based on typical prices, not what you pay. This is where I was a little confused because I was thinking, “Oh wait, I get to purchase up to $300 worth of products this month?” You know, well, if you’re paying $5 for a lipstick, you could purchase a lot of product. But it’s based on the typical price.

So, the lipstick would be a $20 price point for your allowance, but you only pay, let’s say, $6. Does this make sense? I hope so because I wish someone would have explained it to me because I thought. “I am going to get 100 different products this month.” But I only got like five or six because, again, they look at typical prices.

So, for me, I had a $300 allowance for the month. And so, last month, I got the Super Retinol cream, which is fabulous, so good. I got the Micro-Peeling Drops. I got the Double Face Cleanser. I got the lipstick. An di really like the lipstick. And then there’s a lip oil that I also bought, which is luxurious. It’s so great.

And then I also got the vitamin C ampules. And what I love, because vitamin C destabilizes very quickly if it’s not packaged correctly. And so, I was really impressed with Beauty Pie that they packaged theirs in little glass ampules that you only have one serving – one application, we’re not talking about food here. You have one serving of vitamin C. Although I guess you could eat it. but no, it’s like one application. And so, you know it’s good, fresh vitamin C that’s going to be the most effective.

So yeah, I got quite a bit. And when I think about what I would have paid, I saved like 80%. You’re welcome and thank you, Beauty Pie. So yeah, I am truly, truly loving the service. So, for any of you that are as obsessed with skincare as I am, I think Beauty Pie is one of those things you should definitely try out this year.

And again, it really depends on your skin type and what you’re looking for. But all of their ingredients are on their website. It tells you how to use it. You can see all of the reviews. It’s a really transparent company, which I really, really appreciate.

So, go check out Beauty Pie. You can actually go to frenchkisslife.com/beautypie because, if you sign up with my link, I don’t get free product, they just increase my spending limit. I can get more stuff each month.

So, go check it out. And I would love to hear from you. Have you tried Beauty Pie? Let me know. And if you decide to try it, I want to hear what your experience is like. And I hope you love it as much as I do. Have a great week. Cheers.

If you enjoyed this episode and you want to dive even deeper into the French Kiss Lifestyle, let’s start with a makeover; a mindset makeover. You can download my free training, The Three Mindset Makeovers Every Woman Needs, by visiting frenchkisslife.com/mindset. Because, after all, mindset is the new black.